What Kind of Parent Do You Want To Be?
Adapted from Love and Logic Parenting – loveandlogic.com
DRILL SERGEANT
This parent commands and directs the lives of children through the following methods:
- Provides messages of low personal worth and resistance
- Makes lots of demands and has lots of expectations about responsibility
- Tells the child how he/she should handle responsibility
- Tells the child how he/she should feel
- Provides absolutes: “This is the decision you should make!”
- Demands that jobs or responsibilities be done now
- Issues orders and threats: “You get that room cleaned up or else…”
- Takes over the ownership of the problem using threats and orders to solve the problem
- Uses lots of harsh words and very few actions
- Uses punishment, pain and humiliation to serve as the teacher
HELICOPTER PARENT
This parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live through the following methods:
- Provides messages of weakness and low personal worth
- Makes excuses for the child, but complains about mishandled responsibilities
- “Takes on” the responsibility of the child
- Protects the child from any possible negative feelings
- Makes decisions for the child
- Provides no structure, but complains, “After all I’ve done for you…”
- Whines and uses guilt: “When are you ever going to learn. I always have to clean up after you.”
- Complains about having an irresponsible child who causes “me” much work and responsibility
- Uses lots of words and actions that rescue or indicate that the child is not capable or responsible
- Protects child from natural consequences and uses guilt as the teacher
CONSULTANT PARENT
The consultant parent provides guidance and consultant services for children by: 1. Providing messages of personal worth and strength
- Seldom mentioning responsibilities
- Demonstrating how to take care of one’s self and be responsible
- Sharing personal feelings about own performance and responsibilities
- Providing and helping the child explore alternatives and then allowing the child to make his/her own decision
- Providing “time frames” in which child may complete responsibilities
- Modeling doing a good job, finishing, cleaning up, feeling good about it
- Asking one’s self, “Who owns the problem?” and helping the child explore solutions to his/her problem
- Using lots of actions, but very few words
- Allowing the child to experience life’s natural consequences and allows them to serve as the teacher
God gave all of us free will and that includes the opportunity to mess up. Failure and Success are two sides of the same coin. Drill sergeant and helicopter parents take away the opportunity for children to make choices and to learn from their mistakes. We increase the odds of raising resilient individuals by guiding our children with lots of empathy and natural consequences.
For more on this, see my earlier blog: https://www.coachmyrna.org/coachmyrna-blog/archives/09-2018
Check out my new four-week parenting series “Mission Possible: Raising Resilient, Responsibility, Respectful and Fun-To-Be-With Kids” to support you in creating connection as you parent your children.
