Asking the right questions to a potential matching candidate or family can be the single most important thing you do when considering a partner to be Blessed in marriage with.
Below are our 41 questions that we recommend asking to a potential candidate or family.
These questions can be used in a few ways:
- When a family or Matching Supporter is getting to know a new candidate.
- When families or Matching Supporters are talking to each other to determine whether their candidates might be good potential matches for each other.
- When candidates are getting to know each other.
We always recommend asking questions with sensitivity and an open mind.
41 Questions to Get to Know a Potential Match
1. When did you feel closest to God? What was your spiritual life like as a child? As a teen? As an adult?
2. How much Divine Principle education have you had?
3. Which part of the Principle grabs you the most?
4. What church activities have you been involved in?
5. How do you view the roles of husband and wife in the family?
6. What expectations do you have about your spouse and about your marriage? What expectations
do you think your spouse might have of you?
7. How do you envision your future family connecting to and participating in the church community and activities?
8. What kind of community and environment would you like your future family to live in (city or countryside, big church community or independent, etc.)?
9. Where would you like to live while you raise a family?
10. How big a family would you like to have? When do you think you would want to start having children?
11. Do you have any health concerns?
12. Is there any reason to think that you might have difficulty conceiving children?
13. Have there been any health concerns in your family history that are hereditary? Examples of these would be epilepsy or sickle cell anemia.
14. Have there been mental health concerns in your family history? For example, depression, bipolar disorder or attempted suicide.
15. Have you ever seen a mental health professional, been diagnosed or taken medication for any mental health problem, psychological or emotional condition, or learning developmental disability?
16. What are your family’s views on the three-generational family, and how do you envision your future relationship with your children and grandchildren? What are your views on aging?
17. How were you disciplined as a child? How would you like to discipline your children?
18. How do you manage your anger? Have you ever had a problem in this area?
19. What is your level of purity and experience? Have you ever given your heart to another person?
20. Have you ever experienced any addictive behavior (alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography)? Is there any family history of addiction?
21. Do you have any “deal breakers” (issues that make it impossible for you to consider a match with someone)? Examples of these could be language, location, race, purity level, education, vices, etc.
22. What are your passions and goals?
23. What is your career path, and what are your plans to support a family?
24. Describe your educational and job experiences. How did you get along with your classmates, coworkers and bosses?
25. What are your interests and aspirations?
26. What were your hobbies and sports while growing up? What do you enjoy doing now?
27. How important are your political views to you? How do they play out in your daily life?
28. Do you have large debts, such as college loans? If so, how are you handling them?
29. How did your parents handle finances? How do you see it working in your marriage?
30. Love is a verb. It is something you do, not just a feeling. After you commit to someone at the time of the matching, what will you do to win their heart and care for them?
31. Unity and love between a husband and wife are not easy—men and women are so different. What are some things you would do to continuously grow and develop a healthy friendship and marriage?
32. How do you see you and your future spouse solving disagreements? How were conflict and difficulty managed in your own family while you were growing up?
33. If you were to find yourself struggling in your marriage, who would you go to for help?
34. What educational activities, volunteer work or supportive friendships might you choose to participate in as a couple and later as a family?
35. What parts of your childhood would you like to relive, and why?
36. How did your family celebrate holidays? Did your family have any special traditions? What was your favorite family vacation?
37. What did you enjoy about school activities? Who were your favorite teachers and why?
38. What awards and achievements did you win?
39. Who were your close friends while you were growing up, and where are they today? Who are your closest friends today?
40. Who are the five most important people in your life?
41. What are your unspoken personal 10 commandments?
